


Strangelunch, or How Yuu Learned to Fear the Sea

by allgoodsaiyansdeservetails



Series: Twisted Tales From Twisted Wonderland [2]
Category: Twisted-Wonderland (Video Game)
Genre: Background Poly, M/M, NRC morals are not earth morals, mermaid stereotypes, terrible social skills, weird villain apology etiquette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27855346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allgoodsaiyansdeservetails/pseuds/allgoodsaiyansdeservetails
Summary: Yuu's first mistake is not closing the door in Azul's face when he shows up outside Ramshackle Dorm at 7 AM, smiling brightly. In their defence, they are very tired, and he has food. Their time in Twisted Wonderland has made Yuu very much aware of wonderful it is to have easy access to food.
Relationships: Azul Ashengrotto/Floyd Leech/Jade Leech
Series: Twisted Tales From Twisted Wonderland [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014828
Comments: 23
Kudos: 67





	Strangelunch, or How Yuu Learned to Fear the Sea

Yuu's first mistake is not closing the door in Azul's face when he shows up outside Ramshackle Dorm at 7 AM, smiling brightly. In their defence, they are very tired, and he has food. Their time in Twisted Wonderland has made Yuu very much aware of wonderful it is to have easy access to food. 

“Good morning,” Azul says, shifting the basket in his hand so that the smell of something absolutely divine wafts directly into Yuu's nose. He looks much better than he did last time they met up, which was in Potions last Thursday. Not that Yuu has been trying to avoid him or anything. “I was wondering if I might have a moment of your time?”

“Food,” Yuu says.

“Of course. I wouldn't dream of intruding without a suitable offering.”

He holds out the basket teasingly. Yuu snatches it from his hands and then turns away to start digging through it. Some kind of chili, tiny gourmet sandwiches, lots and lots of fish dishes. Score. By the time they surface, Azul is sitting on the nearest couch and clearly waiting on them. Said couch is still pretty thick with dust. He's doing a great job of ignoring the general state of disrepair around him. Even in a building where the mold has mold, he still somehow comes off as otherworldly. Like a shaft of sunlight piercing through the deep sea. A phantom in the dark.

“I would like,” he says gently, “to apologize.”

Yuu stuffs an entire sandwich into their mouth. “'mkay.”

That's – huh. It might not be the first real apology Yuu's gotten since this whole Overblot mess started, but it kinda feels that way. The whole magic and monsters thing might be the most obvious difference between Yuu's home and Twisted Wonderland, but it's the little differences that really stick out after a while. People don't apologize the same way here they do back home. Even when they say sorry, they don't mean it.

Case in point: despite having just said sorry, Azul is still sitting there, clearly waiting for something. Like there's a whole ritual that's meant to be involved here. One Yuu doesn't know at all.

They swallow their sandwich. “Okay. What do you want?”

Azul's smile softens, just a little, as though he finds blunt rudeness charming. He might. He is – dating? Maybe? – Floyd, after all. “Come to the Mostro Lounge this afternoon for lunch. I'm aware that you witnessed something that troubled you last week. I would like to try and clear up any misunderstandings that might have cropped up between us.”

Oh no, that means he's going to try and smooth over the whole thing, doesn't it? Possibly with bribery? Ugh. That sounds awful. Yuu already never wants to be in the same room as him and the twins at the same time ever again. Yeah, this world has 'Twisted' in its name, but that doesn't mean Yuu expected actual incest to be legally and morally accepted.

“I will of course be providing a meal free of charge.”

Never mind, food takes priority. “I'll do it.”

Silver eyes narrow to slim crescents. “Excellent. I'll see you at noon.”

He nods gracefully and rises, giving them the beginnings of a bow before he heads out. Despite themself, Yuu watches him leave. Azul Ashengrotto is shady, morally bankrupt, and presumably taken, but he is still very pretty. 

Then they shake themself and go squirrel away as much food as possible before Grim wakes up and inhales the whole thing. Not today, black hole cat. Not today.

* * *

Yuu's second mistake is realizing how much trouble they got in the last time they went to Octavinelle twenty minutes before lunchtime and racing off to Heartslaybul at the last second for back-up and emotional support. They should've known better. Nobody in Twisted Wonderland understands how to do anything but make things worse. Case in point, Ace and Deuce.

“You what?” Deuce roars, angry like he so rarely gets. 

“I gotta agree, Prefect,” Ace says with an unhappy smile. Yuu didn't even know you could smile unhappily before they got stuck in this world. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“He asked nicely!” Yuu protests.

Ace stares at them judgmentally. “He gave you snacks, didn't he?”

“Yeah.”

“You can't go,” Deuce says. “Give him a rain check. Tell him you're dead.”

“I can't do that!” Azul would definitely investigate any excuse they give him. “He seemed like he was really looking forward to seeing me. He said he wanted to apologize for...” Yuu swallows hard and tries to keep their wobbly smile in place. 

They really don't want to think about what happened in Potions last Thursday. Unfortunately, the images are burned into their brain: Floyd kissing first Azul, then Jade, with plenty of tongue and every sign of enjoyment. A love potion was involved, except it wasn't. Professor Crewel left no room for debate there. They'll never be able to think of the Leech twins the same way again.

“For?” Deuce prompts, because Deuce is an idiot.

“The thing that happened on Thursday,” Ace says. “Obviously.”

Deuce's forehead scrunches up. “Wait, what happened on Thursday?”

“Yuu discovered what kissing is.”

“I know what kissing is!” Yuu snaps. “Look, I'm going to Octavinelle today! I can't – I can't just avoid them all forever.” Especially given the low, low prices for to-be-discarded food at Mostro Lounge. Yuu is very poor and they need to eat. “I came here to ask for your help, not some kind of excuse.”

Deuce's eyes light up. “Oh! Well, why didn't you just say so? You can count on us!”

Ace sighs and rakes a hand through his hair theatrically. “Ugh, such a pain. But what else can we do? Gotta keep our little Prefect safe or the other, littler Prefect will have our heads.”

This is the first Yuu's heard of Riddle being invested in their safety, but the longer they think about it, the more sense that makes. Their life has gotten a lot easier since Riddle's Overblot – at least, by Twisted Wonderland standards. Heartslaybul students don't even bother them in the halls. It's nice. “So you'll come with me?”

“Sure thing!” Deuce grins and slams his fist into his open palm. “Those fish won't touch you while I'm here!”

“Like punching a mermaid will do anything,” Ace says, but he's also looking a little feral. “Put your safety in my hands, Prefect. I'll watch your back while this dumbass is getting his ass kicked.”

“Thanks,” Yuu says faintly. “I appreciate it.”

They already have regrets.

* * *

Azul's smile doesn't twitch when he finds them all waiting in a private room at Mostro Lounge, but it's a close thing. “I was under the impression that I extended this invite to Yuu and Yuu alone.”

Ace grins and leans back in his chair on Yuu's left. Deuce sits forward, silent and intense, at Yuu's right. They're doing a decent job of pretending to be carefree and on-guard respectively, but Yuu can feel the fear in the air. It's kinda getting to them. Especially since the idiot duo stole one of the chairs from the other side of this table for the sole purpose creating a united front. If Grim was here, it would be a little Fort Dumbass. As it is, Yuu has Deuce bristling on one side and Ace ready to start shit on the other, both close enough that Yuu can feel them vibrating. Joy.

“Really?” they say with all the fake cheer they can muster. “Sorry! I thought it would be okay to invite some friends.” Especially since Ace and Deuce also got dragged into Azul's... disastrous personal issues? Problems? Shenanigans? Not just once, but twice.

Careful footsteps trace a loose circle around the table. “It's a bit inconvenient to speak with them here.”

“Don't talk like we're outsiders,” Deuce says, watching Azul's movements like a hawk. Or, more accurately, a guard dog. “We're as involved in this as they are.”

Azul chuckles softly, patronizingly. “You lot don't need an apology.”

Deuce grits his teeth. “You forced us into indentured servitude!”

“You're the ones who broke a magical contract,” Azul says, folding himself elegantly into the sole remaining chair on the other side of the table. He's still smiling. “Indentured servitude is the least of what I could have forced you into. Shouldn't you be thanking me for putting you to work in a restaurant instead of somewhere more lucrative?”

Wait, what's he implying there?

“Are – are you saying you could've pimped us out?” Ace asks. He does not sound nearly upset enough about that.

“I'm saying that NRC's official rulebook is startlingly vague in certain areas. As I'm sure your elder brother could tell you, Trappola.” Gloved fingers tap idly on the table. Yuu really hopes that wasn't some kind of code or signal. “Quite the troublemaker, judging by his school records. Made a lot of money at it, too.”

Ace crosses his arms and huffs. He doesn't look disgusted. He looks put out. Like he just learned his brother got up to something fun without telling him – ugh, Yuu knew this meeting was a mistake. “What the hell, he didn't tell me anything about that!” 

“How much money we talking here?” Deuce asks, dropping his hostility like an oversized coat.

“Deuce!” Yuu hisses.

“What?” he hisses back. “It's a valid question! Textbooks don't pay for themselves!”

That – yeah, okay, that's fair. Yuu's books were given to them by Headmaster Crowley as part of the half-assed pseudo-scholarship that justifies them staying here, but they know enough to be sure that textbooks are still ungodly expensive in this world. If anything justifies turning to sex work, it's paying for your education. Yuu is all set to drop the subject completely when they realize Azul is looking at them.

Oh, no.

“What are you upset about, Yuu? Prostitution is a perfectly respectable occupation. It's just a bit unusual for mages, since there are so many other ways for us to make money.”

A lump forms in their throat. “Azul – are you...”

“No, Mostro Lounge doesn't offer those services,” he says without missing a beat. And without any judgement. 

Okay. So that's another thing which is just all right in this world. Yuu's learning a lot today. They sink down in their chair and gaze up at the ceiling. “Oh thank god.”

“What's wrong, Prefect?” Ace asks. “You look kinda sick.”

“It's nothing.” They flap a hand in Azul's direction. “Please, continue.”

Azul opens his mouth to do so. Before he can get out a single syllable, the door slams open. Yuu knows exactly who it is before they open their mouths. 

“Hey, it's Azul! Azul's in our room!”

“Oh my. Here I thought we'd reserved it ahead of time. Did we double-book?”

Yuu groans deeply and rests their forehead on the table. Of course it's the Leech twins. Who else could possibly make this any more awkward?

Above them, Azul clears his throat. “Hello, Jade. Hello, Floyd. I think you'll find I reserved this table earlier this week.”

“Eh, really?” Floyd asks, skipping forward. There's some kind of bento box-type thing tucked under his arm. “But we reserved it at the beginning of the year?”

“Quite,” Jade says, backing his brother up.

“I'm sure.” Azul's bright tone is so fake now that even Yuu can pick up on it. At least this probably means he isn't responsible for inviting them. Not that it matters at this point. “And if I were to check our bookings, I would see that they are completely unaltered from last week.”

“But of course.”

He stares flatly at the two of them for several seconds. They ignore him completely in favour of conjuring more chairs out of water and setting up shop on either side of him. The table's getting crowded. 

“Fine,” Azul says at last. “Yuu, you must have questions about what happened last week. In acknowledgment of... certain transgressions against you, I offer you recompense. Ask me whatever concerns you.”

Yuu pries themself up off the table. They should probably look him in the eye before asking the hard questions. “All right. So the three of you are... together now?”

“Well, yes,” Jade says, lunch box sitting untouched on the table in front of him. At least Floyd is happily crunching away on something that looks like rice and crab. Jade isn't even pretending that he's not in it for the gossip.

“As in dating,” Yuu clarifies. 

After a moment of hesitation, Azul nods. The twins give him a look that could be considered fond. It's different from the way Floyd looks at his lunch, anyway. That's something.

“Okay. That's... cool.”

“You kinda sound sick again,” Ace butts in.

“Shut up,” Yuu mutters out of the corner of their mouth. “Um, how did that happen?”

“The same way it usually happens,” Azul says, lacing his fingers together. “Someone told the others how they felt. We decided it was reciprocated. Now we have an agreement.”

“And that person was Floyd. He just picked a really bad time to do it.”

“Not technically a question, but yes.” 

Ugh, now he's being picky. “Does agreement equal relationship in this context?”

Azul looks faintly surprised. “I suppose it does.” 

Right. Glad to get that cleared up. Yuu is just gonna never ask for details, ever. Now they just need to change the subject right now.

“So, um, what's it like underwater? At the Coral Sea, I mean. I didn't really have a chance to look around.”

The surprise eases, tucked away behind a wall built of wistful smiles. “I'm not quite sure how to answer that question. It's all pretty normal to me, after all.”

Floyd lowers his bento and grins brightly. There's a grain of rice stuck to his cheek. “That's right! Surface-dwellers are the weird ones!”

Deuce huffs. “We are not!”

Jade tilts his head to the side and reaches across Azul to wipe the rice from Floyd's face. “Floyd, don't pick fights. They're our Azul's guests at the moment.”

“But they are! Azul, back me up here.”

Suddenly they're both leaning down toward Azul, Jade's eyes cool, Floyd's eyes bright. He seems a little overwhelmed at the attention. Yuu doesn't blame him in the slightest. If they were in his place– 

On second thought, that's not something they should imagine in present company. Or any company. Survival now, questionable fantasies later.

“I'm afraid I must come down on Floyd's side at the moment,” Azul says apologetically. Because of course he ends up apologizing straightforwardly to his – boyfriends – and not the people he actually wronged. Figures. “Weird and normal are terribly subjective terms, of course, but from our vantage point it's certainly the surface which is strange.”

Jade gives him a thin little smile and opens his bento. The smell of raw fish fills the air. Not, like, sushi or anything, just... a fish. About a foot long, scales intact, dead eyes staring blankly into the void. Yuu's stomach turns over. That's not food, that's bullying. 

“Oh shit,” they say, stunned. “Jade, I'm so sorry.” 

He looks at them oddly, which means absolutely nothing to them. When he's not wearing that gentlemanly facade, all of Jade's looks are odd looks. “Beg pardon?”

They gesture to the fish with hands that only shake a little. For some reason, they thought that in a world where magic is used for just about everything and people will kill over a school sporting event, regular, garden-level bullying wouldn't really exist. It seems like things in Twisted Wonderland are either deceptively happy or completely nightmarish. This is kinda shaking their worldview a little. “Is someone harassing you?”

A slow blink. “What does that have to do with anything?”

That's a yes, isn't it? Yuu feels sick. They should've realized it earlier. Before it was shoved in their face. There's always ugliness in the world. “Azul, when lunch is ready, can you order for Jade as well?”

Azul blinks owlishly. “That is... certainly something I can do.”

His tone of voice suggests that he has no idea why they asked. That, more than anything else, pisses Yuu off. Yeah, Ace and Deuce are both squinting at Yuu with similar confusion, but they're dumbasses. Azul literally just got done saying he loves the twins. How can he just – 

Jade picks up the fish and raises it to his lips. Yuu opens their mouth to stop him. Then Jade opens his mouth and their voice dies instantly. 

Right. Teeth. How did they forget the teeth? Long, slim fangs, glistening like ivory decorations, curving down all the way along Jade's jaw. He has no molars or incisors. Just delicate-looking anglerfish teeth that slice neatly through scales and white meat. Then he swallows it whole.

“Whoa,” Ace says beside them. “How long d'you have to practice to pull that off?”

“You don't,” Floyd chirps.

Yuu lets out a terribly high-pitched whine.

“Was that a question?” Azul asks.

They shake their head.

“I've got a question.” Oh thank god. Ace is the best at distractions and interruptions. They'll just take a moment to collect themself while he's babbling. It's good to know he has their back. “What the hell is going on with underwater tech? When I went down to the Coral Sea, it looked pretty normal, but then you guys do stuff like...” He waves his hand in Jade's direction. “That.”

“We literally just agreed that normal is relative. But very well, I'll overlook it in the interest of clearing up misunderstandings.” Azul smiles brightly. He is very deliberately not looking at Jade, who is sitting peacefully in his chair, fangs tucked away again. “Merfolk have taken a different evolutionary path from humans, and we've taken different avenues of bio-sculpting as well. We have multiple architectural styles that simply don't exist on land, customs that can be... difficult... to explain, and some interesting environmental magics that NRC doesn't teach.” His tone turns sardonic. “And of course we have Magicam access, so by all civilized standards, we're a beacon of enlightenment under the sea. It's just very difficult to make a fire or stove work underwater, so it's common to eat raw food. Though most do try and make it presentable first,” he adds sourly.

“My apologies,” Jade says. “I was rather busy this morning.”

Floyd stretches out in his seat, locking his arms over his head. “At least it wasn't just mushrooms this time.”

“Yeah, okay, that makes sense, but what about the biting?” Deuce bursts out. Yuu's tentative hopes for this meeting to be salvaged turn to dust. Nothing survives Deuce when he has that harried expression. They've attended enough Potions classes with him to accept this.

“What biting?” Azul asks, with the considerate tone of someone asking _which case of biting_ rather than _wait, someone got bitten?_

“In class!”

That – oh no. Yuu remembers that incident now. They've been trying to put it out of their head for ages. But one doesn't just miraculously forget Floyd surging out of his seat and sinking his teeth into Jade's neck the second the bell rings, they suppose. Or Jade smiling blissfully and making breathy apologies before they both disappear, leaving a trail of blood in their wake.

“Ah. That.” Azul's smile takes on a certain air of resignation. As though he's been expecting this question for a long, long time, but was still hoping to avoid answering it. “How should I put this... on land, you have the concept of 'being raised by wolves,' correct?”

“Yeah,” Ace and Deuce say as one. Then they glower at each other, because they are both childish assholes. Yuu just nods, because they still don't trust themself to speak.

“All right. Jade and Floyd were raised by the current.”

Deuce's hand shoots up like he's in the classroom. “What does that mean?”

“It means they were abandoned children,” Azul says without changing his gentle tone. The twins nod.

“What?” Yuu squeaks.

Ace narrows his eyes. “But you talked about your father–”

“We got adopted,” Floyd says. “You know, eventually. But for a while it was just us out there!”

Jade closes his eyes, a trace of discomfort crossing his face. “We try not to dwell on it. It was an unfortunate time in our lives.”

Azul turns and stares at him. “Jade. Last week you defended yourself from assault charges by claiming that your traumatized upbringing left you unable to distinguish between an attack and a simple friendly touch.”

That. Uh. That has to be an exaggeration, right?

Floyd snickers. The corners of Jade's mouth curl upward. He says nothing.

Ace nods slowly, eyes flicking back and forth. “Think I could get away with that?”

“Depends,” Floyd says brightly. “What's your tragic backstory?”

“One time my brother pushed me down the stairs and laughed.”

Teeth flash as Floyd laughs. “Worth a shot!”

“What about lunch?” Yuu says desperately. “There was supposed to be food!”

Once again, Azul is just about to speak when one of the idiot duo breaks in. Yuu has no idea why they thought inviting Ace and Deuce to this meeting was a good idea. They're beginning to doubt they have ever had a good idea in their life.

“Wait,” Deuce says, brows knotted, sounding out the words as they pass his lips. “I thought mermaids ate people? Are we getting served human flesh?” He doesn't even sound mad, scared, or horrified – just curious. Yuu could cheerfully strangle him.

Azul looks down his nose at Deuce, which is pretty impressive, given the lack of height difference between them. “No. That is a frankly ridiculous stereotype.”

“But I saw on the news–”

“One serial cannibal does not mean you can besmirch an entire race.”

“Wait, is it cannibalism if you're technically different species?” Ace asks. He sounds mildly intrigued at worst and downright excited at best. “Like, I know mermaids can interbreed with humans, but you need a ton of magic to pull it off, so we're still in different categories, right? Not like humans and beastfolk.”

“It doesn't matter!” Azul's eye is beginning to twitch a bit. If Yuu's hadn't been so freshly reminded of the thing that happened in Potions last Thursday, they'd probably feel sympathy for him. As it is, he can suffer with them. “Not all mermaids eat humans!”

Floyd frowns and cocks his head to the side, all the mirth wiped from his face. “They don't?”

There goes that twitch again. “Jade. Kindly keep Floyd's mouth shut for the rest of this conversation.”

Jade chuckles softly and covers his mouth with one hand. “My, my, I'm sure you're being overly cautious. He won't eat anyone here.”

Azul's smile doesn't budge an inch, but his stare is reaching subzero temperatures. “Jade. Kindly keep your mouth shut for the rest of this conversation as well.”

The twins look at each other. Then Jade shrugs and places his other hand over Floyd's mouth. Floyd blinks, dark lashes fluttering over Jade's gloved fingers, and it would be such a pretty picture if his smirk wasn't poking out from underneath. Yuu feels like they're going insane. Are they? They kind of hope this whole conversation was a hallucination.

For a moment, everything is blessedly quiet. Then Deuce opens his big fat mouth. “So is that a yes, or–”

“Why is this happening?” Yuu bursts out all at once. “Why are we talking about cannibalism and prostitution and – and horrible childhood trauma? I thought this was going to be safe! I just – I just wanted to eat with friends!”

Great. Now everyone is staring at them. Their eyes are starting to sting.

“Holy shit,” Ace says. “Are you crying?”

“No!” Yuu sobs. “I'm just hungry!” 

It's a blatant lie, but no one calls them out on it. Instead, the boys all share a strange, panicked look. Jade lowers his hand and sits primly in his seat. Azul clears his throat and tugs at his collar, then swats away Floyd's fingers as he also reaches in to tug at Azul's collar. Ace and Deuce stop hunching over the table and lean back in their seats, shifting closer until Yuu is bracketed by their shoulders. They seem afraid to actually touch Yuu, but it's still kind of reassuring.

Azul clears his throat again and adjusts his glasses. “It would seem I must apologize again.”

“No,” Yuu says loudly. “Just – no. Call it a loss. I'm done.” They sniffle again, pathetically. The sound makes the whole room twitch. 

“All right,” he says placatingly. Yuu doesn't believe that he's actually going to drop this for one second. “Is there anything you'd like right now?”

“I was promised food.”

A brisk nod. “I'll have it brought out momentarily.”

“Then I forgive you.”

Some tension in Azul's shoulders eases, but he seems kind of disgruntled. “You are truly compassionate, Yuu.”

No, Yuu thinks helplessly. They just want this afternoon to be over already so they can go back to Ramshackle and sleep. The whole day has been a wash. They want to scream. They want to cry. They want to go home. “If you say so, Azul.”

The peace lasts about five minutes before Ace starts asking pointed questions about what his brother got up to at NRC. Judging by the glint in his eyes, he's collecting sibling blackmail. Yuu just sighs and tries not to listen. Or look too closely at the twins. Or imagine how badly the whole museum thing could've turned out. Yuu really wishes they'd known mermaids ate humans before they went into the water. They don't know if they'll ever be able to look at the ocean without shuddering. They definitely won't be able to fantasize about Jade and Floyd's true forms ever again. They wanna go home.

At least the food, when it arrives, is good.


End file.
